Until about a year ago the thought I heard most often, my mantra for life was, "Be better." I didn't think this was a problem. In fact the only problem I saw was that some people didn't seem to live by this demand. When I thought I was doing well I told myself, "Be better." And when I thought I was doing poorly. When I was sad. When I was angry. When I was anything this was the burden I laid on myself. I would then turn to God, so angry that He wanted more from me than I could give. I couldn't see that it was I who wanted more than I could give. Not God. "Be better"? Really? Is that the goal? I used to think so. Not anymore. "Be better" is only a version of "Fix yourself", which is completely counter to Jesus. Jesus says, "Come to me. I want you." He doesn't say, "Be better. Fix yourself. Then come." And yet I hear it threaded through so many of our thought processes, "I just need to get better about that. I need to pray more. I need to trust more. I need to forgive anyway. I need to read my Bible more." As if this is what God requires. As if as you are God looks and wishes you were better.
I think we misunderstand God's forgiveness when we try to be better. It's as if we think, "God can forgive me for having sex with my boyfriend or girlfriend in high school, or for doing drugs in college, or for drinking too much before I knew Him" and the list goes on. It's close but He'll let it slide since you didn't know any better. We think these are the sins God forgives. When you were 17 and hurting and trying to figure out the world you did things that didn't bring you life. So did I. You didn't deal with your hurt well. Try taking yourself out of the equation. Imagine someone else, who you know or don't. Think of their sins when they learned the world wasn't safe and life was too much, do you feel anything but compassion? I don't. I'm filled with compassion for these stories, those I know intimately and those I know from a far. If I who am sinful and broken don't feel condemnation for these stories and am flooded with grace for these people, how much more is God? How much more does He look at every moment of our stories with kindness and tenderness? You are no different than the person you replaced yourself with. God does not reserve a harsher standard for you. His Grace is boundless for all. Perhaps you can get to this place where you feel God's compassion for you in your darkest moments and see yourself as He sees you. But you think now it is different. Now you know better. Now you have no excuse for your sins so you must be better. You're wrong. As long as we live on this earth, we will live in a world where things are not as they were meant to be. We sin and are sinned against. Our sinning does not end at the point of conversion. That is one of the most destructive and condemning myths in Christianity. Instead the point of conversion marks the beginning of our entering into the forgiveness and compassion of God. Are we called to change? Yes. Are we called to repentance? Yes. Are we called to forgive? Yes. But are these things achieved through our effort to be better? No. They are achieved by a willingness to walk into the terrifying depths of God's pardon, which means a willingness to walk into our own story and the stories of those around us. God is gentle, He is patient, He is playful, He is kind, He is light and life. The voices of "Better" are not God's. He wants to show you the better way, He's not asking you to construct it yourself. He is the tenderest mother, and the best teacher. The fiercest protector, and the kindest father. The truest lover, and the greatest helper. When we decide the sins God forgives we lessen Him, we attempt to undermine His power. We make the gospel less. We mock the work of the cross. These are the sins God forgives: The sins I commit today. The sins I commit with my eyes wide open. The sins I commit as an adult with the attitude of a defiant child. All of them. He forgives them ALL. Without reluctance and with delight He forgives. Is it any wonder He forgives our former sins? I think so, but I think it is an even greater wonder, one which we often don't see, that He forgives our present sins.
